Cats vs. Robots #2 Read online

  Quinn walked over to the cases holding the Infinity Engines. “May I take a look?” Dad carefully opened a case to show Quinn the complex cube.

  “Remarkable,” he said. “I imagine it would make a big difference if we had enough of them.”

  Dad nodded. “Clean energy for vehicles could help slow down global warming. Affordable energy would make a big difference for folks everywhere.”

  Quinn looked at Dad. “Can you can make more of them?”

  “We know how to make them, but it would take a lot of help to build enough to make a difference,” Dad replied. “Our labs aren’t designed for mass production.”

  Quinn turned to his aide. “Don’t we have something called a Department of Energy?”

  She smiled. “Yes, Mr. President. That would be a great place to start. I can put them in touch with the secretary of energy right away.”

  Quinn smiled and looked at Mom and Dad. “How would you like to work with them? You could lead our new Clean Energy program.”

  Mom looked concerned. “Only if we can control how it is used.” She looked over at the soldiers and Pants in the cage. “Only for peaceful purposes. No weapons. And we want to share the technology with the world.”

  Dad looked up at Meow and SLAYAR and nodded toward them. “We’ll need to share with more than just the world,” he said.

  “You’re right,” Quinn said. “It seems we have some promises to keep and some hostile fleets to calm. Let’s get them out so we can talk. If we can give an Infinity Engine to both sides, maybe we can help them toward a productive peace.”

  He paused.

  “I am concerned about our friends using this responsibly. Do you think we can trust them to behave?”

  Javi thought about the fleas and smiled. “We’ve got that covered, Mr. President. No problem.”

  38

  Phewph, We Did It. Again.

  Max and Min searched with Javi for the controls to release SLAYAR and Meow. Min was looking at one of the control panels nearby, when she smelled something awful. “Ew, Max!” She slugged her brother. “That’s so gross!”

  Max looked hurt and plugged his nose. “It wasn’t me, I swear!”

  Javi heard the twins arguing and walked over to see what was wrong. “Whoa!” Javi winced. “That is not good. Hold on, what’s this?”

  Javi noticed some movement under a table and bent down to look. “Is this Huggs’s dog?” Javi sat down and coaxed the frightened pug out and onto their lap. “You’re the little stinker, aren’t you? Aww, did you get left behind?”

  Max, recovering from the smell, knelt down to give the dog a pet. “He’s cute!” He looked at the bone pendant around his neck. It was heavy and smooth but had no identification.

  Max looked at the collar and saw a name embossed in the leather. “Dig Doug? Is that you?” The dog looked up, panting, a little scared. “What are we going to do with this guy?”

  Min looked down and folded her arms. “We are NOT adopting any more animals,” she said, a little louder than she needed to.

  President Quinn heard Min and looked over. His eyes widened when he saw the dog, and he hurried over for a closer look. “Adorable! You remind me of my favorite pet as a child. Pants convinced me it was undignified to have a pet in the White House, but it gets lonely in there in the evenings.”

  He frowned toward the cage. “I’m done taking his advice,” Quinn said, and squatted down to give the dog a scratch behind the ears. “What do you say, little friend? Doug, is it? Would you like to live in a big, fancy white house?”

  The dog lifted his head to lick Quinn’s cheek. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  “I think I found it!” Portillo yelled from across the hangar. She stood in front of a set of controls. “Looks like this is how we can let them out. Are we ready?”

  Javi jumped up, excited. “Yes! I’ve been thinking about how to handle this. I think I can deal with these two. We should release Meow first. He’s the more sensible of the two.”

  Portillo looked back at Quinn, but he was busy handing over his new pet pug to a Secret Service agent for a potty break. “Sounds good to me. I doubt Clown University covered intergalactic diplomacy, so you’re the closest we have to an expert.”

  She pushed a button and the door to the glass chamber swung open with a hiss.

  Meow and Pounce wove through the specimens in the chamber and cautiously sniffed around the door before emerging.

  Meow walked ahead confidently.

  “Does he look different to you?” Max asked Javi.

  It was true. Meow moved with a stronger stride.

  “Yeah, actually,” Javi said. Something had changed.

  Meow stepped toward Javi and Portillo and sat upright, Pounce at his side. Javi gave a respectful bow and presented a hand for Meow to sniff. “Chairman, I must beg your pardon for your temporary detention. I assure you it was not our intention, and those responsible will be punished.” Javi winked.

  Meow gave Javi’s hand a ceremonial sniff. “I should hope so. Never have I been treated so rudely. However”—Meow sat up proudly—“I had time to think in there,” he said. “I looked closely at the fine feline specimens assembled, and realized that none of them, even the one that so resembled me as a young Feline, felt right.”

  He looked down and paused to groom himself. “None of them actually were me.”

  “In fact,” he continued, “I’m not sure I want to go beyond my ninth life, if it means I have to turn into something different than my own glorious self.” He was referring to his aging but still impressive body.

  Chairman Meow was a proud Feline, to the very end, and it was his pride that mattered most. “I am irreplaceable,” he said. “A new body just wouldn’t feel right. If that means I can’t live forever, so be it.”

  “Well said, my friend.” Javi smiled.

  Meow continued. “We will accept the gift of the Infinity Engine and use it for the good of all Felinus. We can use it to warm up the Arctic Felines in the far north. It can power a new generation of toys to keep our kittens occupied and in top condition. And”—Meow paused to glance at SLAYAR’s glaring face, still under glass—“as long as the Binars agree to stick to their own territory, we can agree to be more careful about staying out of theirs.”

  Javi gave another slight bow. “Thank you, Chairman.”

  President Quinn approached the group but didn’t interrupt.

  Javi turned to look at the twins and smiled, one eyebrow raised. “I am so good it’s scary,” they said, and the twins gave a simultaneous thumbs-up in return.

  “Ready for the real challenge?” Portillo said, glancing back at Javi, and then Quinn.

  “Work your magic,” Quinn said to Javi, who beamed and gave Portillo a nod. She flipped a second switch, and the cube holding SLAYAR and Beeps raised back up into the rafters.

  SLAYAR steamed down, furious, Beeps struggling to keep up. “What is the meaning of this? Why was this four-legged freak released before me? I demand satisfaction!”

  Javi stepped up. “If I could, I’d like to explain.”

  SLAYAR skidded to a stop right in front of Javi. “Make it fast, fleshie, because I’m about to get back on my ship and order my fleet to pulverize this place.”

  “Our deepest apologies, Supreme Leader.” Javi gave an exaggerated bow. “We had a temporary lapse of leadership here, but we have things under control as you can see.” Javi gestured toward the cage holding Pants and the soldiers. “But we want to make things right.”

  SLAYAR inched even closer, volume rising. “I was promised the Infinity Engine, and that thing”—pointing toward Meow—“as a prisoner. “Give me both, now!”

  “The engine you can have, but not the chairman.” Javi raised a hand before SLAYAR could erupt again. “We’re done pretending, Supreme Leader. Pants has been put away. It’s all over now. We just need to agree on what happens next.”

  “What happens next,” SLAYAR said, “is I get my Infinity Engine. And my
fleet. And my dignity, hopefully.”

  “We all agree with that,” Javi said, “but you only get the engine if you agree to a peace treaty with the Felines. They will take the other engine and have agreed in exchange to respect the borders of the Binar territory.

  “Meow has promised to stay out of your territory and stop annoying you. No more unwanted randomness, careless chaos. You get your Infinity Engine, and a Feline-free federation. You can return a hero. With the engine, your civilization will flourish, enjoy boundless energy, free of unwelcome interference. All you have to do is promise to use the engine peacefully.”

  SLAYAR looked at the group and rolled over to examine the engine.

  He then turned back to look at the stage, and the guitar he left behind.

  A long pause followed.

  Beeps rolled toward SLAYAR to check that his power supply hadn’t failed.

  SLAYAR spun around and rolled back to Javi. “You know what? Fine.”

  “Really?” Javi didn’t expect SLAYAR to agree so quickly.

  “Really. Of course, the furry four-leggers are insufferable. Felines are a menace and threat to an organized universe. No respect for mottos and rules. However, if it’s true that they will no longer meddle in our metal, I suppose I don’t care what they do. I can keep order without destroying everything else.

  “And to be honest,” SLAYAR continued, “I’ve been considering a change myself. In fact, I might even like to stay here on Earth for a while.”

  All eyebrows raised at this comment. Nobody expected that answer, but it soon made sense as SLAYAR pointed at the stage.

  “The problem with strict discipline and iron-clad order is that it is so predictable. Am I right, Beeps?” Beeps sputtered, eye flickering, but couldn’t find an answer, so SLAYAR continued. . . .

  “Binar is so BORING! I just want to ROCK! You humans have a lot of problems, but your music is out of this world!”

  Javi looked at Max and Min and they shared an eye roll. “Good one, SLAYAR.”

  39

  New Directions

  SLAYAR and Meow came together, snout-to-screen, for the first time. Meow sniffed proudly. SLAYAR’s eyes narrowed. “Can we really do this?”

  “I know I can,” Meow said. “I’ve had eight successful lives. I accept that mortality is what gives value to life. I’m strong enough to spend my life treasuring what I care about rather than running away from death.”

  “Uh-huh,” SLAYAR said, distracted. He was already bored of Meow’s speech. “I just want to rock. It’s much more fun than making war plans and chasing after you crazy cats.”

  Meow shrugged and turned to his faithful number two. “Pounce, you stay here and make the necessary arrangements. I know I can trust you.”

  “Oh.” SLAYAR heard Meow’s order and realized he didn’t want to deal with any of the details either. “Beeps! I need you to do, um, everything. Got it? Get the engine, make sure nobody tricks us again, you know, all the things. I’m going to be busy.”

  Meow looked into the light streaming through the hangar doors. “I suppose this is farewell, fleshies,” he said, winking at SLAYAR.

  “Hey, that’s our insult!” SLAYAR shot back grumpily, and rolled back onstage, alone, to take another look at the guitar.

  Quinn watched SLAYAR and whispered something to his aide, who smiled and stepped away to make a call.

  Meow turned to Pounce. “I am going to return to Felinus now. I’d like to take one more crack at capturing that light, and then I think I’ll take part of the fleet out and explore. Chase some comet tails. I’ll go as far as I can, while I can.”

  Pounce agreed. “Never give up, Chairman, that’s what I say.”

  Meow started slowly toward the ship, then turned back. “You know, I rather enjoyed this excursion,” he told Pounce. “It was surprisingly invigorating, made me feel like, oh, a sixth or seventh lifer again!”

  Pounce smiled and nodded. “You do have a new spring in your step, Chairman. Safe travels.” Meow turned and walked gracefully out of the hangar toward his ship.

  Pounce returned inside and looked warily at Beeps, who stared back cautiously. “We’ve been enemies a long time, I’m still not sure I can trust you,” Beeps said.

  Pounce raised an eyebrow, arched his back, resisting the instinctive urge to hiss at the Binar.

  Before they could start an argument, Javi stepped between them. “Peace at last! Come on, you two, let’s go take a look at these engines and figure out your future.”

  Javi led the two over to talk to Mom and Dad.

  A bustle of activity followed, Quinn conferred with Portillo, and Mom and Dad reviewed Infinity Engine schematics and designs with Pounce and Beeps.

  Max found Obi and gave him ritual scratches. Min checked out Elmer and made sure Pants didn’t do any permanent damage.

  All the usual noise, the usual things they had missed about each other.

  << The great purr of life, >> Obi thought. << I have missed it so. >>

  The sun dropped toward the horizon, when the sound of a landing private jet rumbled through the hangar. Quinn’s aide ran out, excited, and returned with the lead singer of the HEDBANGRZ, a mess of hair and torn jeans, the rest of the band close behind. “Nice venue,” she said, taking in the hangar. “Very Area 51.”

  SLAYAR practically jumped when he noticed the HEDBANGRZ arrive.

  “Ajpoiesjf09. Wj3fq0pw93jf!!!”

  SLAYAR spit out gibberish, speech circuits overloaded. He grabbed the guitar from the stage and sped down at blinding speed, skidding to a stop in front of the band, still incapable of making sensible sound.

  “Oioasjf3290321tftjhgj33 . . .” he blurted out, holding the guitar.

  The lead singer smiled. “Sweet guitar.” She noticed the flame decals curling up SLAYAR’s sides and nodded. “Nice tats, bro. Very metal,” she said. She gave a sly look at Quinn’s aide, then asked SLAYAR, “Hey, wanna jam?”

  SLAYAR, still speechless, filled his screen with a shower of hearts.

  “He’s kinda cute,” she said to the drummer, and SLAYAR started spinning in place, finally speeding back to the stage.

  Quinn watched Javi work with Pounce and Beeps setting up peace plans and negotiating a truce.

  During a break, he got their attention. “Javi, is it? I’m quite impressed by your diplomatic skills.”

  “Really? Thank you! I plan on being a judge one day,” Javi said. “When I finish law school, of course.”

  “You’ll make a great one.” Quinn smiled. “How would you like to be the ambassador to Felinus and Binar? You don’t need to live there, obviously; you seem to know more about them than anyone else on Earth, and I could use some help.”

  Javi was thrilled. “It would be an honor. I do want to keep taking classes, if that’s all right, but I can work with the Wengrods to supervise the transfer of the Infinity Engines to both worlds. I would also like to organize a technology exchange so we can learn from the Binars and Felines. If we could learn to build ships like that”—Javi gestured at the ships outside—“it could be the start of humans exploring the galaxy!”

  “Wonderful idea,” Quinn said. “I’ll let you get started, then.” He bowed and let Javi get back to work.

  Quinn looked around and searched for Max and Min. He found them outside under the canopy. “Max and Min, I presume? I have a question for each of you, if you have a moment.”

  They looked at each other, wide-eyed. “Yes, sir, Mr. President!”

  Quinn chuckled. “Max, would you agree to be Earth’s honorary ambassador to Felinus?”

  “Umm . . .” Max was a bit starstruck and stood there, speechless.

  “Blink once for yes,” Quinn said with a smile.

  Max nodded yes, slowly, not sure exactly what he was agreeing to.

  “Excellent! And, Min,” Quinn continued, “would you be Earth’s honorary ambassador to Binar?”

  “Uh, yeah!” Min said, reaching out to shake Quinn’s hand. “I would be honored.”
She stroked her chin. “I wonder if I can arrange a field trip for my robotics club. . . .”

  Later that day, after the Felines and Binars had departed with their engines and pride intact, President Quinn returned to the White House and made a surprise broadcast to the nation and the world.

  Sitting in the Oval Office, his new pet pug, Dig Doug, on his lap, Quinn told the world about the incredible discoveries, the existence of Felinus, Binar, and the new hope for a better, cleaner future for Earth.

  “Today is the beginning of a new era for Humans, together with our new allies, the Felines and Binars. We are not alone in the universe. Our Binar and Feline friends have shown that cooperation is possible, even between groups that are as opposite as you could possibly imagine.

  “As for the inventors of the Infinity Engine, they have shown a spirit of brilliance, innovation, and generosity. A wonderful example of the desire to share rather than greedily hoard what they create.

  “The future glows bright, my friends.” Quinn smiled, happily scratching the dog in his lap. “Keep smiling, and we’ll be there before you know it.”

  The camera shut down, and the broadcast ended.

  “Not bad, wouldn’t you say?” Quinn said to the dog on his lap, scratching behind his ears. The bone-shaped pendant dangled as the dog stretched his neck for the scratches. . . .

  PFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

  This last butt bomb was neither silent nor deadly but still sent everyone scrambling for un-pug-poisoned airspace.

  In the bright lights of the Oval Office, nobody noticed when the dog’s collar started to glow.

  Light-years away, in deep space, a ship drifted, silent and dark. Suddenly, a light appeared, then another—the lights continued to spark in a glittering chain reaction until the outline of the ship became clear in the cold vacuum.

  Out of the darkness, an outline emerged, in the shape of an enormous bone.

  Inside the ship, a message flashed repeatedly on a small screen, as the ship slowly came to life. . . .

  Who’s a Good Boy?

  Acknowledgments

  The authors and illustrator would like to once again thank all the animals who do such good work caring for our friends, aka their “owners” (what a funny name that is, for such an important relationship!) including: