Cats vs. Robots #2 Read online

  “Is it on?” Meow said, breath fogging up the camera.

  “Yes!” the entire room yelled in unison.

  Meow stepped back, and Max jumped into view. “Hi, Min! Hi, Obi!”

  “Greeting, Max,” Obi said warmly. Min gave a small wave back, a little embarrassed.

  Max stepped back, and they could also see Pounce and Meow. “We heard from our Commander CRUSHR that the Binars have declared a cease-fire,” Pounce said. “The Feline Fleet has responded in kind.”

  “So we did it? We did it!” Max said, excited. “Now what happens?”

  “I ARREST YOU ALL!” SLAYAR shouted. “THAT’S what happens.” He spun in place, pointing his graspers wildly: “YOU get arrested! And YOU get arrested! And . . .”

  He stopped spinning. “Come on, guards, get arresting!” The Royal Guards looked back and shook their heads. “You guys are the worst,” he said, and retreated to his throne.

  On-screen, Meow sat up, gesturing weakly. “I too arrest everyone,” he said. “You three? Completely arrested.” He turned to one of his attendants and whispered: “Um, do we have a jail or cage?”

  The attendant shook her head.

  “No? Seriously?”

  Meow shrugged and lay back down, tired and defeated.

  Min looked at both leaders sulk on their thrones. “You can’t arrest all of us. Your guards agree with us, and even if you do have jails, you don’t have enough to arrest your fleet. And besides, just because you can’t fight doesn’t mean you have to lose.”

  Meow looked at Min with one eye. SLAYAR just stared.

  “Hello? Do you understand? Have you even heard of the word cooperation?” She looked at SLAYAR. “You know, Teamwork makes the dream work?”

  “Bah!” Meow said. “Cooperation is too much work. Anyway, I already had everything worked out! When we got to Earth, I was going to get the engine and capture SLAYAR.”

  “Oh, that’s funny,” SLAYAR said. “Because I was totally going to capture you when we got to Earth. I had it all planned.”

  Meow looked up, surprised. “What? No, that must have been Pants Man deceiving you. He was going to help the Felines.”

  SLAYAR moved down off the throne. “No,” he said, “Human Pants told me that he preferred the Binars and was tricking you!”

  After an uncomfortable moment, Obi spoke up. “It appears that this Pants fellow had a plan to double-cross both of you.”

  “HUMANS!” SLAYAR shouted, pointing an accusing grasper at Min. “We should never have trusted you!”

  Min noticed the Royal Guard all stare at her and felt the tension in the room. “Whoa, hold on,” Min said. “We’re on your side! We just helped you figure it out, right?”

  “Min is right,” Beeps said. “This deception appears to be the work of Human Pants. These ones were not involved.”

  “Yeah!” Max said loudly. “We want cats and robots to be friends. I think you’re both awesome! Pants is a liar, a bully, and a big jerk!”

  “We need to bring him down,” Min said. “Oh! This is perfect! Let’s come up with a way to do it together!”

  SLAYAR rolled his eyes. Meow sighed. They considered each other through the display screen.

  “I suppose,” Meow said.

  “Agreed,” SLAYAR responded.

  “Okay!” Min said with a fist pump, looking at Beeps and Obi, smiling. “You can start working on a plan now. Max and I need to get back to Earth and tell everyone what’s happening.”

  She looked on-screen and saw that Max had a pained expression on his face. “Max, are you okay?”

  “Sort of,” Max said. He crossed his legs and squirmed.

  “Can we just go now? I forgot to go to the bathroom before we left, and I’m not going to go in a space litter box,” he said, face red.

  32

  Taking Down Tyrants

  Max and Min returned to Earth mere hours ahead of the Binar and Feline Fleets.

  Back in the comfort of their own home—and home litter boxes—Max and Min gave the complete report of their space adventures.

  “I knew you could do it!” Dad said after they finished. “See? I told you they could do it,” he said to Mom, who rolled her eyes.

  “He was so nervous he couldn’t sit still,” Mom said, patting him on the shoulder. “He went through an entire case of pickle-flavored chips.” She pointed at a large pile of empty bags. “We’re all so proud of you two.”

  Javi gave them both high fives and a big hug. “Way to go! Wow, nice job improvising up there.” Javi knelt down to look at them. “Max, I know it hurts to goof up, but the real test is what happens afterward. Both of you bounced back like champions.”

  Max and Min beamed. “It was pretty cool,” Min said. “We made a good team.”

  “Gross,” Max said, and gave Min a playful shove. Before she could retaliate, he ran into the kitchen for a snack. Min shook her head and followed him.

  In the living room, Portillo, Javi, Mom, and Dad were all still reeling from Max and Min’s news from space.

  “Everything’s happening so quickly,” Javi said. “You only just finished the Infinity Engines, and if Max and Min are right, the Binars and Felines could show up on Earth any minute now.”

  “It’s all so huge,” Portillo said. “I mean, Pants was planning a double cross all along? And Huggs is helping him? Very suspicious and more than a little scary. Between the two of them, they have enough power and money to do a lot of damage.”

  “He asked us to make two engines,” Mom said. “I figured it was one for each side, but now I’m starting to think Pants meant them for himself and Huggs.”

  “Wow,” Javi said. “That is a greedy plan, even for someone as out of control as Huggs.”

  Max and Min returned with pickle chips and juice packs to share.

  “We have to give him the engines, right?” Dad said. “Otherwise Pants will just come and take them.”

  “At least this way we can be there,” Javi said. “Maybe figure out a way to help.”

  “What can we possibly do?” Min said. “They have all the power. We just have us.”

  “Oh,” Max interrupted. “I forgot to give this back.” He grabbed his backpack and took out his canister of Feline robo-fleas. “What a bummer,” he said, setting it down on the coffee table. “You worked so hard on those fleas, even Stu and Scout had to be tickle-tortured to help train them.”

  “And Elmer,” Min said, putting her Binar canister next to the other.

  “You’re right,” Portillo said. “You two fixed the problem with the Felines and Binars. Our secret weapon won’t help when the enemy is us.”

  “We should get the fleas ready anyway, don’t you think?” Dad said. “Just in case Meow or SLAYAR get second thoughts?”

  “Can’t hurt, I guess,” Mom said. “They won’t attack unless we activate them.”

  Javi scribbled everything down. “Okay. We bring the two engines, like Pants asked: one for cats, the other for robots. Each engine will carry their custom payload of fleas, ready to annoy the living daylights out of Meow and SLAYAR—if we need it.”

  “Should we bring Elmer along? Maybe some of his upgrades can help.” Min waved her phone with the Elmer program.

  “It will be a tight squeeze,” Javi said, “but we should all be able to fit in CAR.”

  Mom and Dad went to ready the fleas.

  BZZZZZZZZZ.

  A few juice packs later, Max noticed a buzzing in his pocket. “Pounce is calling!” He ran around, shouting. They gathered around the medallion for what might be the final time.

  “Go ahead, Pounce,” Javi said.

  Pounce’s voice emerged from the static. “I spoke with Beeps, but we couldn’t agree on a plan of action because we don’t know what Pants is planning. We decided that the best course of action will be to go along with it as though we don’t know he is deceiving us. We will play the parts he expects of us and wait for the opportunity to take control.”

  “I see,” Mom sa
id. “We will have to figure it out as we go along.”

  “More improvising,” Max said. “Great.”

  “We can do it,” Javi said. “I think it makes sense. Once we see what he has planned, we’ll figure out what to do.”

  “Correct. Remember, we are all working together,” Pounce said. “We should be able to take control of the situation. We have the Binar and Feline Fleets on standby.

  “Also,” Pounce said, “Pants contacted us not long ago with the location for the meeting. We are all preparing to come down to Earth. You should be hearing from Pants shortly.”

  “I’d feel a lot better if we had an actual plan,” Portillo said.

  “As would we,” Pounce said. “I am off to prepare. Good luck.”

  “Pounce out,” Max said with a grin. “See you soon, buddy.”

  BZZZZZZZZZZ!

  This time, it was Portillo’s phone beeping. “I’m getting a video call from ‘Unknown Caller.’ I’m guessing it’s our favorite Pants.” She propped the phone where they could all see it and tapped “ANSWER.” “Hello, Mr. Vice President,” she said, with false enthusiasm.

  “Ms. Portillo, thank you for picking up. I see you’re all together, good. Our guests have arrived in orbit and are anxious to meet. The time has come, are you ready?”

  “Two Infinity Engines, as requested,” Mom said, lifting up cases to show him.

  “Outstanding,” Pants said, smiling. “The nation—nay, the world—thanks you. You will go down in—”

  “Where do you need us, Mr. Vice President?” Mom interrupted with a look of annoyance.

  “We have everything set up at a highly secure location,” Pants said.

  “Hmm, let me guess—Area 51?” Portillo said, winking at Mom.

  “Area 51?” Pants chuckled. “How quaint. That place has so many crazies crawling around you couldn’t pick your nose without being photographed and posted on the internet in seconds. No. Area 51 is not nearly secure enough. Even Area 52 doesn’t have the right je ne sais quoi.”

  Portillo looked around the room, confused. Did he actually think my question was serious?

  “Okay,” Mom said, curious where this would lead. “Area 53, then?”

  Pants sighed. “Sadly, 53 was lost years ago after a freak temporal disruption.”

  Javi held back a grin. “Oh yeah, those are the worst.”

  Pants nodded. “Tell me about it. Anyway, Areas 54 through 68 were all decommissioned after Congress defunded our Secret Area budget. Which leaves us with only one option.

  “You can’t be serious,” Mom said, looking at the twins, nervous.

  “Deadly,” Pants said. “You will meet us at Area 70.”

  “Oh. Okay,” Mom said. “I did not see that coming.”

  “That’s the point,” Pants said seriously. “Area 70 was constructed specifically for this important meeting. You should be able to get there in a few hours if you leave now. So leave now. I will send you GPS coordinates. See you soon.”

  As soon as the call ended, six cellphones began checking GPS coordinates for Area 70.

  It was somewhere in the high desert, but satellite maps showed nothing but tumbleweeds and strange rock formations.

  Min zoomed in. “These images are fake. You can tell where they repeat—see? Whatever is out there, it’s not visible by regular satellite.”

  “Looks like the perfect place for Area 70,” Dad said.

  “Maybe the fake-ness is how you know it’s real?” Max said.

  “Only one way to find out,” Mom said.

  Twenty minutes later, they had loaded everything into CAR.

  Two metal cases holding the Infinity Engines went into the rear, along with Elmer. Everyone else squeezed inside.

  “Are we sure it’s a good idea to bring the twins?” Mom said nervously. “They’re children. It doesn’t seem . . . very parental of us . . . to take them into danger.”

  Max and Min groaned.

  “Are you kidding?” Min said. “Now? You’re gonna say after we’ve been to space? We have to see this!”

  “She has a point,” Dad said.

  “Besides”—Max elbowed Min with a grin—“think of how great it will look on our college applications? Saving the world? Am I right?”

  Min and Mom gave a perfectly synchronized eye roll as CAR rolled out of the driveway.

  33

  Area 70

  Any minute now.

  Pants checked his watch and scanned the horizon through dark sunglasses.

  Under the blazing heat of the midday sun, he stood in his perfectly pressed suit, looking cool and confident.

  Behind the vice president a massive building loomed, a newly constructed airplane hangar. Enormous doors lurched and began opening, revealing a dark, gloomy interior.

  Near the building’s entrance, Huggs stood in the shade of a large canopy, holding a damp cloth to the back of his neck, beads of sweat dripping down his face. His pale bald head was covered by a dark baseball hat with a GloboTech logo, and the bright sun reflected off his large aviator sunglasses.

  At his feet, his constant companion sat, panting heavily. Huggs unscrewed the cap from a bottle of water, took a gulp, and poured the rest into a little bowl. “This is a big day, Dig Doug. We have to keep hydrated.”

  Pants surveyed the vast open area in front of him, pleased at what he could do in such little time. Two enormous concrete landing platforms extended into the distance like airport runways, heat waves rising, shimmering.

  Bright yellow paint marked out targets in the center of each platform. Between the platforms, a dusty road led to the front gate of Area 70, almost a mile away.

  A radio buzzed in Pants’s ear, and he looked down the road and saw the approaching vehicle. “Our first guests are arriving, right on time.”

  Pants smiled.

  If he had been the sort of person who could appreciate things, he would have appreciated punctuality.

  Almost.

  Trailing a plume of dust, a dirty CAR appeared, passed carefully between the platforms, and rolled to a stop in a small parking area next to a row of equally dusty black government SUVs.

  The doors swung open and everyone piled out.

  Javi opened CAR’s rear hatch and picked up a metal case holding one of the Infinity Engines. Portillo picked up the other. They left the rear hatch open, and Elmer sat patiently in the rear, waiting for instructions.

  Mom and Dad stood next to CAR and scanned the area, cautiously making note of the number of vehicles and the huge hangar-like building.

  “I hope this isn’t a mistake,” Mom said.

  “Nah,” Dad said. “We got this.”

  He reached out to squeeze her hand, and almost sounded confident.

  Max and Min stumbled out and stood in the sun, squinting, staring in awe. “I’ve never been to a secret base before,” Min said.

  “Welcome to Area 70. Thank you for coming,” Pants said, walking toward them.

  The dust settled slowly around him but not a speck of it landed on him. He remained perfectly clean, carefully pressed pants and all.

  Portillo raised an eyebrow, dusting off her own jeans. “I guess it’s true what they say: dirt really doesn’t stick to that guy.”

  “Please, join us in the shade.” Pants gestured graciously. “There’s no such thing as a healthy tan, you know.”

  They looked toward the canopy, where Huggs waited, clutching his pug puppy. The large, newly constructed hangar loomed behind him.

  Javi turned to the twins and raised an eyebrow. “This looks . . . serious.”

  Max nodded, looking up. “It’s like something out of a movie.”

  They all walked forward, keeping as far as possible from Huggs and Pants.

  As soon as they stepped into the shade, a growl of engines erupted, and a line of military vehicles emerged from behind the hangar.

  GRRRRRRRRR!

  They split into two columns and skidded to a stop on either side of the hangar door. Gro
ups of black-clad, armored soldiers emerged silently from the vehicles and stood at attention just at the edge of the shade, weapons in hand.

  Mom’s eyes opened wide at the sight. “Those guns look pretty real.”

  “Just a precaution,” Pants said smoothly, glancing quickly at the two cases.

  Javi and Portillo set the engines down carefully.

  Huggs, standing next to Pants, stared hungrily at the cases, eyes wide behind his large sunglasses, bouncing rapidly on the balls of his feet with pent-up excitement.

  Huggs put down Dig Doug the pug, who stretched and . . .

  HRRRRRRRUP!

  . . . let out a shockingly loud fart.

  Huggs, refusing to admit his precious Dig Doug had a flatulence issue, glared accusingly at Pants, who looked away.

  Max and Min looked at each other in surprise and stifled a laugh.

  Mom and Dad looked at the twins sternly but couldn’t help smiling themselves. Some things were just funny, no matter how serious the situation.

  CRAAAAAACCKK!

  An explosive noise from above interrupted the awkward moment, startling everyone. The sonic boom was followed by a bright light that high in the sky, and a silver streak shot downward, trailed by an impossibly large trail of flame.

  A shiny, hulking ship barreled toward them.

  “That’s coming in a bit hot,” Portillo observed. They all braced as the ship hurtled closer, showing no sign of slowing.

  WHOOOOMP!

  The ship reversed direction at the last second, and . . .

  CRUUUUNCH!

  With a shattering crash, SLAYAR’s ship slammed down hard, cracking the concrete in a spectacular show of force.

  Dig Doug let out a frightened yip and dashed into the hangar behind them.

  Huggs, frustrated, jogged after him, glancing back at the ship before he disappeared inside.

  Sand, dust, and bits of concrete were thrown high into the air and began to fall like hail around the ship. Eddies and whirlwinds spread debris as the ship settled, with loud pings and cracks. The bright sun reflected off the many sharp angles of the ship’s miraculously shiny hull, making it almost impossible to look directly at it, at the same time making it look so irresistibly awesome that it was equally difficult to look away.